Hah, long distance relationships. What comes to our mind immediately when we hear these three words?
Is it fear? Or the feeling that it is impossible, a dream, or even a fantasy. If we’re being honest, all these feelings may even be true, but only to an extent.
If you are here to read the other side of the story, yes, you are in the right place. Long distance relationships actually work. In fact, they work pretty damn well, y’all! Luisa and I are only one of the many examples from which you can take inspiration.
In this guide, we discuss what makes LDR work, ways to be in one, the pros and cons, and how to take it to the next level. Buckle up! 🏍️
Jump Straight To:
How to Be in a Long Distance Relationship?
Tips to Make It Work
Benefits of Long Distance Relationships
Cons of Long Distance Relationships
Taking it to the Next Level
Famous Long Distance Couples
What is a Long Distance Relationship?
It’s pretty straightforward what long distance relationships are, but if you are confused or in denial, then let us get it straight. When two individuals living far away from each other are in a relationship, it is called a long distance relationship or LDR. Think of a couple living in different cities, countries, or even continents!
I know, at first, it seems like an impossible scenario, especially if you have never been in such a relationship. Believe us, this is true, and such couples have lasted the test of time.
Some common scenarios that lead to long distance relationships include,
High school sweethearts going to different states for University, a husband or a wife going to serve in the armed forces, a girlfriend getting a job in another city, or exchange students going back to their native countries. 🗺️
How to Be in a Long Distance Relationship?
Now that we know what long distance relationships are, let’s look at how to be in one. It is obvious that LDR is unlike any other relationship.
Sometimes, it can be even harder than intercultural relationships. Differences in cultures are challenging, but being physically away from each other is a whole different ball game.
Let’s look at some of the key factors that can make your LDR life easy.
Communication is Everything
Communication is everything in a relationship—even more so in a long distance relationship, as talking to each other is the only way to stay connected. Rapid technological advancements have made staying connected over long distances easier.
We can see each other on WhatsApp video calls, tag in reels on Instagram, have a Netflix party, play online games for couples, etc.
Thanks to the Internet, you no longer need to pay expensive phone bills. Connect to WiFi and get on those hour(s)-long video calls! 📱
Trust and Honesty
Trust is of paramount importance in long distance relationships. You may have many questions when your girlfriend is going out with her friends on a Saturday night, and the same can happen when you have a night out with the guys.
However, your relationship will suffer if you don’t trust each other and give each other space to live life.
If something is bugging you, get on a call and talk it out. Be honest about your feelings and expectations right from the beginning.
Preferably, you should have some ground rules for each other so no one feels left out or uncomfortable.
Setting Goals and Expectations
After a while, set goals for your relationship.
What do you want out of this? Where does this lead to? How often do you call each other, given the huge time differences? How often do you meet each other physically? Living together? Marriage?
There are so many questions, and unlike relationships where people live in the same city, people in long distance relationships need to talk about it all. 💬
Tips to Make It Work
Stay Connected
Video calls and texting are only a few of the many ways you and your partner can stay connected while in a long distance relationship.
You can watch movies together using Netflix Party, go on virtual candlelight dates with nice food and wine, play online games for couples, or go old school by mailing letters and sending gifts.
Plan Visits
If you live in the same country, plan trips to meet each other during holidays and weekends.
If you live in different countries, double down on your savings and travel during the off-season to save money. LDR is expensive but totally worth it if you are head over heels for each other.
You can listen to our story of meeting each other after two years of LDR. It was a rollercoaster of emotions for both of us.
I had to take 4 flights and spend 30+ hours to reach the final destination, but it was very much worth it!
Have a Routine
Figure out the time zone differences and make a routine of calling or texting each other, even if it's just for a few minutes. It makes all the difference in the world.
Take up a project together to spend time and create something as a couple. It’s one of the biggest reasons why Luisa and I started Masala of Cultures.
Surprise Each Other
Send gifts outside of birthdays and anniversaries to surprise and let the other person know you care for them, especially if one of your love languages is sending/receiving gifts.
Pack your bags and go on an impromptu trip to meet your loved one. Nothing can say how much you love someone more than being there for them during important moments in life–like graduation, personal losses, etc.
Stay Positive
Long distance relationships can get challenging, but don’t lose hope. Stay positive and support each other within the relationship and with their work, personal projects, and family.
Talk with people who have gone through similar situations.
Look for people online if there’s no one in your immediate circle. There are so many communities and groups on social media that you can join and engage with.
Besides @masalaofcultures, here are a few good Instagram accounts: @ourscolorfully, @ldrcouples, and @indialoveproject.Benefits of Long Distance Relationships
Strengthening communication skills
Couples from different cultures or religions may speak different languages. In that case, the common language will be English. For example, I speak Tamil, and Luisa, my wife, speaks Spanish.
However, we do not know each other’s language, so we always communicate in English. This has not only helped us develop our English skills but also helped us learn more of each other's native languages. 🔤
Building a strong foundation of trust
Trust takes center stage in long distance relationships and helps you build a solid foundation that will make it easier for you to thrive in your relationship when you move in together.
This newfound trust can also be passed on to your other relationships, such as with your family, friends, and colleagues.
Opportunities for personal growth and independence
The time away from your partner allows you to do different things independently without including them in every activity or hobby.
You can focus on your career, take a baking class, join a running group, etc., without worrying about your partner’s schedule.
Appreciating the time spent together more
When you finally meet after weeks, months, or years, you and your lover will greatly appreciate it and make the most of your time together.
When I met my partner after two years of LDR, every second we spent together felt like a minute, as if time had paused. We planned every day and were grateful for every moment and memory we created in that time.
It’s like Meghan Trainor’s song,
Cons of Long Distance Relationships
Loneliness and missing physical presence
Of course, at least for me, the biggest con of long distance relationships is feeling lonely and missing your partner’s physical presence. This can affect you, especially if your love language is physical touch.
If you are brave enough, you can try sexting, phone sex, sending steamy pictures (better to stay safe by avoiding the face and birthmarks and using encrypted apps like Signal), and even sex toys for long distance couples that can be operated remotely.
The sky is the limit here, my friends. 😆
Potential for misunderstandings and miscommunication
Staying away from each other for long periods of time can cause misunderstandings in a relationship. This is true, especially if communication is poor between the both of you.
One way to avoid this is to be as open as possible. Tell your partner everything, whether it be a night out with friends or a trip you are taking with your colleagues.
Even though you know you’re only being friendly with someone, your partner will not know that until you expressly state it.
Financial strain from travel costs
Your bank account will go empty from time to time. Long-distance relationships are not cheap. You must hash out the money for tickets, stays, and whatnot.
The bright side is that you will learn to manage your finances well and start saving up. Well, you have to. Otherwise, it’s just impossible to be in an LDR. It’s harsh but true.
Balancing time zones and schedules
I am from India (+5:30 GMT), and Luisa is from Colombia (-5 GMT), which is a ten-and-a-half-hour time difference. When she was getting ready for college, I was going to sleep and vice versa.
We had to schedule our daily talks and weekly Netflix parties despite having an entire day away from each other. Some may have it easier, and some may have it even harder. The trick is to converse, come to an agreement, and follow through with your promises. ♾️
Taking it to the Next Level
If you are in this stage, you have done something truly remarkable–surviving a long distance relationship. However, there is still some work left to do.
Discussing the Future
You’ve been in a long distance relationship for a few years and everything is going well. It’s going so well that you want to finally take the next step–marriage. The topic may have already come up in some conversations, making it easier for this big moment.
However, unlike conventional relationships, people in LDRs know if their partner is willing to marry them at this point. If both are willing, the actual conversation begins with the next step, relocation.
Relocation Considerations
You are ready to move in/marry. What now? Relocation is the hardest part of making a long distance relationship not a long distance relationship anymore. Who is moving where? Is he quitting his job? Is she leaving her family and friends behind? It’s a hard decision, no matter what.
Once the previous questions have been answered, you must consider visa and immigration matters. In our situation, I went to Colombia and made the official marriage process through the notary.
This helped Luisa to get a spouse visa to come to India. This is the easiest option, no matter the country.
Cultural and Religious Considerations
Congratulations, newly married couple. Did it happen in a church, a mosque, or a temple? It’s easy if you’re from the same religion—or at least the same culture. But what if you’re from a different religion and culture?
This is usually the scenario in long distance relationships. It is necessary to discuss whether you will have a Hindu ceremony, baptize your son, or celebrate Ramadan. 🙏
One quick fix is to mix both of your religions and cultures and create something of your own.
Celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas, baptize your son, and have the ear-piercing ceremony. Wear a headscarf to the mosque and a bikini to the beach.
Famous Long Distance Couples
Ed Sheeran and Cherry Seaborn
Ed Sheeran’s Perfect is one of Luisa and I’s favorite songs as a couple. The man spared nothing when it came to his love story, even better than the ones in his songs. High school friends turned sweethearts later in life; the couple has known each other since they were 11.
When they started dating in 2015, they were still in different countries: Cherry in the US and Sheeran mainly in the UK but touring worldwide.
Their long distance relationship lasted until 2016, when they both decided to take a break from their work and spend time building their love. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Today, the couple has two children, out of which the second pregnancy involved Cherry being diagnosed with cancer. Both the child and the mother survived and are thriving today, just like their relationship with Sheeran.
A classic story of how nothing is impossible! ❤️
David and Victoria Beckham
Superstars David and Victoria Beckham were constantly away from each other, especially in the beginning stages of their relationship. David played for Manchester United all over Europe, and Victoria toured the world with the Spice Girls, which made it hard for them.
Like any power couple, these two never slowed down. Beckham went from Manchester United in England to Real Madrid in Spain to Inter Miami in the US while the former Posh Spice toured the world.
Even after her band split, Victoria went solo to make her own music and started a fashion line that’s doing well to date.
Obviously, such worldly commitments put a dent in any relationship. However, these two took advantage of the distance and time apart to build their own legacies and make their marriage work despite all odds.
Barack and Michelle Obama
Like the previous couples, the Obamas need no introduction. Despite being the President of the United States of America (or because of it), Michelle and Barack Obama faced a tough period in their marriage due to all the commitments and long periods of time spent apart.
Serving two straight terms just makes it worse. And they are open about their struggles. I guess that’s the first step–to realize and to overcome. Definite inspiration, my fellow LDR couples! 💪
Conclusion
Long distance relationships are not only possible but can also be enriching and life-altering. They require two individuals with an iron-clad mindset and the willingness to trust and make it work.
You will fumble and falter occasionally, but it’s inevitable not to fall. It’s not like all of us come to the dating scene with years of LDR experience.
For almost all of us, it’s the first time in such a relationship. So don’t beat yourself up if you make mistakes; rather, learn from them and avoid repeating them.
Colin Powell’s quote sums it all up,
“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure."
Finding love is extremely hard, and staying in love is even harder. So don’t take it for granted.
Go crush it! 🔥
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If you have any questions, ask them in the comments below and let the community help you.
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About the Author
Aswin Raghav is one half of Masala. He's futuristic, passionate, and calm hailing from a rather not calm metropolitan city in Tamil Nadu, India. Living for more than 4 years in an intercultural and interreligious relationship with a Colombian 16,000 km away, he has acquired a decent understanding of love, travel, and culture.
In his other life, Aswin has been a National-level Athlete, Marketer, and Sustainability Advocate with a bachelor's degree in Business. Thanks to his business program, he won a US Government scholarship to study Entrepreneurship for a year in the US.
Love, cricket, business plans, and a thousand miles later, he decided to start a community online to share his experience through Masala of Cultures along with the other half of Masala, Luisa.
Aswin's insights can also be found on other parts of the internet, including NVCC and SSR.
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